No two people experience love the same way, but unfortunately, many people go through toxic relationships without even being aware of it. Toxic traits are internalized as normal that we, as socialized humans, can have a hard time acknowledging them in ourselves and other people. When you are in a healthy relationship, you feel supported, encouraged, and uplifted by your partner. Of course, every relationship is different, but in any case, you are always supposed to feel happier than you would alone. Being with someone who doesn’t add anything to your life but, instead, actually takes away some of your happiness and peace of mind, is not a good thing. Ending toxic relationships can be hard it will make you feel sad, uncomfortable, and it will make you want to look at things through rose-colored glasses because your brain will want to make excuses to keep being “comfortable.”
But realizing that someone you love is toxic and holding them accountable is the least you can do for yourself and your well-being. We have put together a list of early signs of a bad relationship/toxic partner. Keep in mind that there are many types of unhealthy relationships, as well as different types of toxic partners. Abuse can be very subtle, and if you are in a toxic relationship, you should always reach out to the people closest to you or even seek professional help if you feel that you need to do so. Read to see if your partner is more toxic than in love with you!
1. Your partner depends on you for everything
Asking for help when needed is absolutely normal, but if the person you are with asks for your help to accomplish even the smallest task, you have a red flag right here. You should not have to raise your partner as if they were your child; after all, you are dating a capable adult that had a life before they met you. Do not let this codependency settle. Otherwise, it might become a permanent issue in your relationship.
2. They want to go everywhere you go and to everything you do
When you are going through the honeymoon phase, it’s normal to want to spend as much time with the person you love as possible. But having a needy partner that wants to be with you 24/7 can be borderline controlling and obsessive, don’t you agree? The healthy thing is for you two to have separate lives outside of your relationship and then, of course, share some moments together. But if you want your relationship to work out, you need to be able to set and respect boundaries.
3. You are constantly compromising
Yes, relationships are about compromise, but there has to be a balance, and if you are the only one compromising to make sure your partner’s needs are met, while they don’t make any effort or show any regard for your feelings and emotions, the relationship is set to be doomed. If you keep up with this dynamic, there is a chance that, sooner or later, you will end up finding out that they didn’t love you, but instead, they love how the relationship always works for them, regardless of the effort they put into it.
4. You don’t have common goals
Regardless of being in a relationship with someone, you, as an individual, will have your own needs, desires, and dreams. And these elements are going to pave your entire future. While you and your partner don’t have to be on the same page about everything, there are some aspects of your life where you both need to be onboard for the relationship to be successful. If you see that there are things that will never change and that you will have to wave off a lot of your wishes to be with this person, chances are that the two of you won’t work out, because you will be giving up your dreams and goals for someone, and whether you want it or not, resentment will build up.
5. They don’t know what they want
Being with someone who is incapable of sorting out their feelings, emotions, and expectations can be emotionally devastating. If you feel that you are getting too close with someone who doesn’t seem quite to understand what they feel for you or what they want out of the relationship, it’s better to put an end to it before someone gets hurt. If, however, it feels like all they need is a little bit of time and space, maybe you can talk things through and figure out how to make it work. Communicating your feelings is the best way to build a healthy relationship.
6. They want to be everything in your life
If your partner insists on being the center of attention in your life, this is one of the biggest signs of a toxic person you can get. An emotionally abusive partner will isolate you from your support network and try to put themselves at the center of your life, often making you choose between them or your friends, and making you feel guilty whenever you try to walk away. This is emotional manipulation, and it often paves the way to more serious and violent forms of abuse, as the victims start to severe ties with the people who are close to them, leaving them feeling alone, hopeless, and dependent on their abusive partner.
7. They want you to post about your relationship on social media
Nowadays, everyone is online, and our social media platforms are often a window to our lives. It’s more than ok to have pictures with your partner on Facebook or Instagram, but it’s equally ok if you don’t want to. What is not ok is if your partner keeps pushing for you to post about your relationship as if they are trying to get everyone to know that you “belong” to them. Seeking this type of public reassurance can put you down a dangerous path, so be sure to look out for small red flags as the relationship evolves.
8. They are always questioning you
Having a loving partner that cares about you and asks about your day and about how you are doing is amazing. It ceases to be amazing when they start questioning every move you make. Being with someone who is always asking you where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing can be suffocating, and all this control is the opposite of healthy. Obsession is very different than love, and this type of crazy jealousy is not justified at all.
9. They don’t want to meet your friends
Your friend circle is an important part of your life, and the fact that your partner doesn’t want to meet them is a huge red flag. Like we have mentioned before, a toxic partner may try to isolate you from your support network, and the fact that they show no interest in getting to know your close friends could be the first step into this isolation plan.
10. Your closest friends and family don’t like your partner
When you are in love with someone, it’s normal that you won’t be able to observe their flaws at first. However, your close friends and family will not be in love with your partner, which will make it easier for them to point out their toxic traits and to see that the two of you are not a match. Listen to your friends and family when they show some kind of concern about your love life – they can be way more insightful than you give them credit for.